Storms and Such...

What a weird past 24 hours.  It began last night.  I sure hope you all get a good laugh out of my dorkiness.  Such strange things happen to me.  Seriously.  

So I have a weird chest cold.  I have been coughing like a manic and have gotten choked several times in the night.  Please tell me I am not the only one that does this.  Waking up and feeling like spit has gone down the wrong pipe, only throwing you into massive coughing spells?  Well last night, it happened again.  I jumped up and felt wetness soak my pants and drip onto the floor.  I know this is gross, just keeping it real.  I figured it was urine but wasn't 100% sure.  I got to the bathroom to sit down, only to start throwing up all over myself.  I strip down and weakly (and in a super strange voice) yelled and Bobby.  When he got there, I was throwing up violently, snotty and naked.  Yep, good thing he is in this for the long haul, it was BEEE-u-tiful!  He looked super scared, asking me what to do, also asking, "Was it the ABC, 123s?"  (I only thought of this funny sentence later in the night).  Nope, it wasn't the gourmet kid-friendly meal of ABC, 123s that I had chosen for my dinner but coughing, I explained.  We called my Dad to see what to do, and he agreed it was probably just urine.  I slept fine.  Woke up this morning, getting ready to take my niece to meet her Momma and these crazy storms rolled in.  I ADORE storms, but was a little perturbed at the interruption to my plans.  My niece had a birthday party to get to for goodness sakes!  But we waited it out.  And they were pretty massive.  We then hear tons of sirens, and look outside only to see an adjacent house on fire (praise God no one was hurt).  We watched this craziness play out for a good long time, chatted with the neighbors and watched police come in and shut down our roads.  

We finally set out and as I got about 45 minutes away from home, I start having contractions.  Now due to last nights drama, I got a smidge nervous.  I called my sweet doctor and she wanted me to head up to the hospital.  So I quickly dropped my niece off, turned right around and went back to the hospital.  They hook me up, test the "leakage" to see if it was amniotic fluid, it turns out to be inconclusive so they do a test and send it to the lab.  Finally, it comes back negative and now I am feeling super relieved (and dorky!).  2 hours later, I am fully dressed, headed out the door.  But the 2 hours sitting hooked up to a monitor got me in full gear to get things ready.  You know, just in case.  All I could do was sit there thinking how horribly messy my house was, how much I needed to get out of the attic for Bo, how badly I needed a pedicure, how weird my spray tan looked now that it was all splotchy, how I didn't have a robe that fit any more, etc...and I thought, hmmmm....God answered my prayer to allow Bo to stay in a while longer and also kicked me out of laziness while He was at it!  He is GOOOOOD!

Seriously, I promise I am not THAT vain.  Mostly, I am looking so forward to these next few weeks as a family of 3.  We planning to spend sweet quality time together and cherish this time with our only child.  But let me tell you, we are all giddy for him to arrive.  When AK walked into the hospital room today, she shouted, "GET UP!  GET UP!"  But as I explained to her what was going on, she walked over and kissed Bo (my tummy).  She is ready too, though she has NO IDEA what kind of change she is in for.  So if you have any advice for the transition from 1 to 2 kiddos, we would love to hear them.  I really do think she will do great.  I know it is hard for any child but she is so excited and ready to have "jobs" to help me.  

Not sure how much more I will blog between now and then.  At my last ultrasound, he was 5 lbs 1 oz.  Not sure when he will arrive.  That ultrasound said July 18th.  It just keeps moving up.  But maybe his weight gain will even out toward the end.  Who knows?!  But we know God has us in His precious hand!  Until then....

3D Ultrasound Pics and Update

Hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.  We sure did.  We got to kick it off on Saturday by having a 4D ultrasound that my parents bought at an auction.  It was super fun to see. We then went to lunch with Mom and Dad and my precious in-laws which was so fun!   As you can tell, our sweet Bo is growing and well.  He is already 4 lbs. 4 oz. which freaks me out a bit considering I still have 2 months to go but I know I can, I know I can.  I love that he already has chubby cheeks!  My original due date was August 5th but from my mid ultrasound they said it should be July 27th and this one estimated July 25th.  So we shall see.  I hear the first ultrasound it most accurate so I am still counting on August.  Just please pray with me that I don't deliver a 12 lb. baby!

Also, please pray as I found out at my last appt. that I am B12 and folate deficient which explains these weird spells (dizziness, heart racing, short of breath, etc.) I have been having.  I am hoping the B12 shot and additional folic acid and iron that I started taking over the weekend will put me back in the game fast.  

We got several things finished over the weekend.  My parents came and Dad helped Bobby do a landscape project in the backyard that has been much needed (thanks boys!) and then we had a big cookout on Sunday night with the fam and a few friends.  My favorite part was loving on sweet Liv for uninterrupted time in the porch swing.  Agh.  That alone was perfect.  It really was so great and relaxing.  Abby Kate and I have been spending countless hours outside which has been glorious.  She has been playing so well on her own lately which is such a God thing.  I am so thankful He is readying her heart for the major change coming.  I just finished a fantastic parenting book that helped my heart more than any I have read.  It has excited me and made me so passionate and intentional about what I am doing all day with Abby Kate and soon, Bo.  So God is just allowing so many precious things to fall into place, in perfect time.  

I pray all is well with each of you!

My sweet, sweet Liv....

Most have heard, but my precious niece was born Tuesday night.  I have been in a giddy haze since it all occurred.

I thought it would be fun to share this story, in light of her birth, to remember the goodness of the Lord, and how often He gives me the desires of my heart.

Ashley, my precious sister in law, was one of our leaders during K-Life, the ministry I worked for following college.  I came to deeply love and respect her.  She was a picture perfect leader, loving on her girls every chance she got.... she was gentle, quiet, sweet-spirited, well-respected, smart, fun-loving, intentional, faithful, loyal...best of all, she loved Jesus.

I remember thinking how perfect she would be for Hal.  Embarrassingly, I sat them next to each other at dinner during one of Hal's visits, introducing them saying, "You're medical, he's medical, you all have a lot in common" and then casually turning away to begin another conversation.  I am sure they both wanted to kill me.  Needless to say, I spent a ton of time praying over this....begging God to let her be the one for Hal.

Hal has always been my best little buddy.  We have a exceptional relationship and once we entered the dating arena, my heart so deeply wanted him to have a wife who loved Jesus and adored him...fit him.  And Ashley did.  Perfectly.

I wanted to remember all this to express the poignancy of Tuesday night.  Ashley is not only my sister, but my friend.  We talked about contractions and "changes" all day on Tuesday wondering if she might be ready.  She had longed desired to deliver naturally and being overdue was putting that at risk somewhat.  Her doctor encouraged her to induce, which she and Hal prayed about and decided to do Wednesday, though we were all praying that she would go on her own before that.  When Hal called me at 7:30 telling me they were headed to the hospital, my heart was in my throat.  I was so excited, seriously, it easily could have been happening to me...I felt it that intensely.  So I quickly bathed and put AK down, and headed to their house to get Ashley's pillows she had forgotten and then called Hal to make sure there was nothing else.  Hal soberly told me that they had taken Ash for crash c-section, every mother's worst nightmare, especially my sisters.  I sobbed praying as I drove 90 mph to the hospital that they would both be healthy, safe.  In light of that, I had such a special honor to be the first to arrive at the hospital, waiting with Hal in the empty delivery room.  And when I heard they were both fine, I sobbed.  They brought my precious niece in minutes later and it took my breath away.  I was looking at a piece of my precious, beloved brother and this sweet sister for whom I had so passionately prayed.  The only other time I fell in love at first sight was when they laid Abby Kate in my arms for the first time.  I am smitten.

So here are some pics of that precious night...seeing God's culmination of blessing and faithfulness play out.  Thank you Lord, for always doing immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine.

*A little FYI, I forgot the uploaded the pics in back order so they start at the bottom and end at the top!

Mothers Day...

Somehow, my crazy thoughts led me to this story this morning, and realized I had pondered these things in my heart for 3 years and had never shared them out loud.  God is so good to bring about lessons from our crazy thoughts.

On the day Abby Kate was born, I was giddy and could not wait to see her sweet face.  For 9 months I had imagined what she looked like, and as all parents feel, I think, she far surpassed what I could have asked or imagined.  Funny enough, the first thing I noticed on my perfect daughter was not her beautiful face, her dimple, her dark hair and skin, but it was her hands....and they took my breath away.  No, she did not have 6 fingers or strangely large or small hands, but she had MY hands.  Every detail of her hands reflected mine.  Her fingers were long and lean.  She had wrinkles that resembled mine, even her tiny fingernails were shaped like mine.  

I have thought back on this so many times.  I had no idea my baby would be the spitting image of my handsome husband.  Even my sweet Nannie stared in her precious face and asked, "where is my baby in you?" (me being the referenced baby :)  However, her hands were exclusively mine.  And now, every time she laces her slender fingers through mine, I get a little teary.  I remember God knitted her together with part Bobby and part me.  How creative.  How intimate.  How beautiful.

But you know, as egocentric as we are...hoping to see a glimpse of ourselves in the tiny life we birth, I have realized how powerful that is....that God uses two parts of a person to make another whole person.  And not only is that powerful, it is humbling.  So humbling.  Watching another walk around with traits of your own is a bit surreal.  And it becomes even more harrowing when your personality traits, your habits, your faults become evident.  That is why, I believe, parenting is the single hardest thing I have attempted.  It is why I am daily crying out for God's to parent her through me, to help me get past myself to point her to a perfect Father who will change her life.  Who will bring freedom.  Hope.  Beauty.  Purpose.  

There is not a day that I do not ask God, myself, and others who will listen....HOW exactly do I do that?  Our pastor is doing an incredible series right now on parenting that has been incredible and impacting.  You can listen to the series here.

But a few things that he has taught that has strongly convicted me and touched my heart.  One being that we need to study our children.  God is a perfect Craftsman.  No two people are alike.  So we are encouraged to study our children and know how God made them.  How they are best loved.  What gifts God has given them.  How they are made uniquely to contribute to the world and what God wants to do with them in the world.  And two, every day my ability to point Abby Kate to Christ comes from an overflow of my own relationship with Him.  We cannot give our children something we don't have ourselves.  If I do not know the Word, the moral reasons why I say "no" or why I teach certain character traits, then I cannot teach Abby Kate.  I cannot merely hope that Abby Kate will see me attending church and acting a certain way on Sundays.  She has to see my faith as my life.  Every day, every second, every action, every word.   It feels like such an overwhelming task.  Impossible really.  And it is.  It truly is when I am walking in my flesh, feeding it the things it wants, like gossip and greed and lies and materialism and selfishness and pride and laziness.  But I have found, when I arise before my household, cry out to my Father for help, for guidance, for wisdom, for His will to be done, my day suddenly becomes more intentional.   And I am reminded that motherhood is God's greatest call on my life.  That raising my children to live a life about knowing Him and making Him known matters above all else.  I truly believe motherhood coupled with marriage is God's ultimate training ground.  He expands your heart to learn new truths about Him through the joys and hardships of both.  To strip you of selfishness, to broaden your understanding of unconditional love, to learn faithfulness and patience, to experience the power of redemption.  

So this weekend, I am so profoundly grateful.  For my child who I get to love on daily.  For this child who I feel kicking and moving around inside of me.  For the child/children I pray I may bear in the future and/or for the child/children we may adopt one day.  For it is through them that my understanding of the love of my Father has been deepened and heightened and widened.  And really, is there any more precious a gift He could give me with exception of His own Son?  And by allowing me to become a mother, showing me His own love for me through that act?  So, thank you Father for allowing me to experience Mother's Day.  Not the holiday in which my children (or husband) runs out to buy me a present.  But a yearly reminder of the blessing of being allowed to do what I do.  And the daily reminder that I must do better.  Not the guilt and shame that You do not author, but the reminder that I desperately need YOU.  And the sweet knowledge at the end of the day that I can cry out and ask You to redeem my mistakes.  And You will....

Bo's Room

I finished Bo's room last week and am thrilled with how it turned out!  The only thing I had to buy was the bedding and it came with the valance and everything so it was SUPER easy this time!  I am having our rocker recovered and it will go in the blank corner and we are getting a cow hide rug for the floor but I love it all!  We had all the western decor in one of our guest rooms as my sweet hubby loves and had collected it so it only took putting it together.  Now I am going to sit back and relax in my 3rd trimester, enjoying my girl and fixing good food to freeze!  

Traditions....

I woke up Monday morning and spent time in the Word, convicted at the end that I should seek fun ways and exciting traditions to begin for our family as we celebrate Easter.  As a Christian, this week is paramount for our faith.  I want this holiday to be the greatest celebration my children know...I so desire for them to look forward to it as I did for Christmas.  But then, classic to my distracted nature, I forgot until last night.  As I laid in bed trying to fall asleep, I startled awake wondering how in the world it had become Wednesday night and I still had done nothing to teach Abby Kate or to begin the anticipation of Resurrection Sunday.  So this morning, I asked my precious Bible study friends to share what they did and got some fun responses....thank goodness God has given so many creative brains.  Mine is wired more for stories, dreams and vision verses actual ways to carry out that vision or dream.  And though I love the art of telling stories, both verbally and written, my communication gifts are best suited for teenagers, college students and young adults.  So I often feel absolutely clueless when I communicating with my precious 3 year old.  

Here are some fun things they shared...

My super creative and precious friend Ashley shared about resurrection bread (which she shows how to make on her blog) and resurrection eggs, which I promptly went and purchased after Bible study.  I bought ours at Mardel's for under $10.  They are adorable plastic different colored eggs which are numbered and inside each one is a token that tells the story of Jesus and the cross.  You can open them each and tell the story or open one each day leading up to Easter.  It comes with a book if you do not feel comfortable telling the story.  It is a great visual and Abby Kate LOVED it!

My other sweet friend Lisa shared of a fair they had attended where they used paper that disintegrated in water and each person wrote a sin they had committed that day on it.  After telling the story of Jesus dying on the cross to remove our sins, they placed the paper in a large bowl of water and watched them disintegrate.  She said her 4 year old exclaimed, "OH! Jesus died so my sin would be taken away forever!"  Wow.  A great lesson.

So if you have more...I would LOVE to hear them.  

Until then, I pray for each of you that you have a restful and blessed Resurrection Sunday...and  that you celebrate with your whole hearts at the fact that we serve the only living God!  

Bo

Abby Kate

Well, we had another doctor's appointment today so I had to share our latest "pic."  When I saw his profile today, I literally gasped thinking back on the profile picture that I had framed for months of Abby Kate.  I think they are pretty similar.  So fun.

I have also felt pretty huge.  I have gotten BIG this time, thinking I was not even out of my normal clothes at this point with Abby Kate and I just feel gigantic.  I have gained the same amount of weight at this point as I did with Abby Kate so my OB measured me and I am measuring 3-4 weeks bigger than I am!  CRAZY!  I am just praying I do not have to mimic my mother in law who gave birth to my 10 lb 13 oz, 23 inch long husband!  AGH!  I have such an easy birth story from Abby Kate, I don't think I will be singing the same tune if I have to deliver a huge boy.

In other news, we got back from an incredible trip to Vegas with my parents, my brother Hal and his buddy Mike.  My sweet sister Ash is too close to delivery so she could not travel (and we missed her :).  We had a ball.  Strangely, we all forgot our cameras.   We ate delicious food (14 meals with no toddler), shopped and watched great shows.  One of the highlights was seeing Ray Ramono and Kevin James do stand-up and Adam Sandler surprising the audience at the end.  It was crazy fun!  My sweet sister-in-law sacrificed her spring break to play with Abby Kate and my incredible mother-in-law took off a few days as well.  I am so thankful for family!  Though being away from Abby Kate so long was hard, it really helped me return home rested and renewed, ready to tackle motherhood with excited vision.  There is nothing like being away to cause you to reflect and see areas that need to be worked on.  So I am home, loving on my girl with reckless abandon, savoring these last few months of having an only child.  And it was great to be away with my hubby too :)

I pray you are all doing well!

Fun week...

Gosh, I adore the warm weather!!!  It has put me in the best mood and I cannot help but want to be outside 24/7!  I do not think it should be allowed to turn cold again after such a sweet taste of summer.  But I am thankful, in this moment, for the beauty of spring.

I walked into Abby Kate's room this morning and sang a little ditty my Mom always sang to us...

this is the day

that the Lord has made

I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Abby Kate loved it and squealed, "What you singing Momma?!"  So I sang it again...and again and again until she learned it and we have sung it all day!  

She is trying to sleep right now.  Daddy promised her we could camp out on the trampoline tonight and roast marshmallows and eat smores.  She is giddy!  So we are counting down the minutes until Daddy gets home tonight.

But onto other things, God has been so good.  I feel I am learning so much.  There has been a lot of heartache happening around me lately.  I have just felt so heavily burdened for dear ones in my life struggling through desperate valleys.  But I read an article yesterday that so encouraged my heart....and cast perspective again.  Being on the other side of a dark time, this was so clear, such truth to me.  However in it, I know perspective is often lost and there are more questions than answers.  But to summarize the article, it was looking at Good Friday, and why it was important.  The author beautifully wrote of the often somber remembrance of Good Friday.  The death, the tears, the darkness of it all.  And she continued sharing that she much rather preferred the celebration of Easter instead.   Victory over death!  The beauty of life!  The truth that we serve a real, living God...one in which the grave could not hold.  But how we have Good Friday seasons often in our life and it is important to understand the significance.  

Here are a few of my favorite segments...I tried to link the article but couldn't.  It is from the March/April issue of Today's Christian Woman magazine entitled What's So Good about Good Friday?  and is written by Carolyn Arends.

"I am immensely comforted when I remember that the God who cares deeply and personally about even a fallen sparrow is watching over me.  But I've been a parent long enough to suspect that my heavenly Father knows more than I do about what I need and where I'm going-and about what's best for the whole family.  So it's a safe bet that his definition of blessing is different from mine.

When I'm expected Easter Sunday and I get Good Friday instead, I'm trying to remember that God's definition of "good" undoubtedly confounds and far exceeds my own."

And this is a long segment but SO GOOD...

"Endings that are beginnings, death that is life- God will always confound our expectations.  

A couple of years ago, during a jubilant Easter service, our pastor said something that stopped me in my mental tracks: "The world offers promises full of emptiness.  But Easter offers emptiness full of promise."

"Empty cross, empty tomb, empty grave-clothes...all full of promise.  If I were writing the Easter story, I don't think I'd chose emptiness as my symbolic gesture.  But then, I also wouldn't be talking about strength being made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9), foolish things confounding the wise (1 Cor. 1:27), the meek inheriting the earth (Matt. 5:5), or the poor in spirit getting (in every sense of the word "get") the kingdom of heaven (Matt. 5:3).  And I certainly wouldn't be talking about dying in order to live."

"What is it about God that makes him so favor this kind of paradox?   I guess this is what we should expect from the Servant King- the God who decided the best way to save the world was to let it kill him.  I don't understand the way God thinks.  But on those days when I feel hollowed out and broken- half-dead, even- it makes me glad to remember that for Easter people, even death is full of promise.

The world makes a lot of promises.  Smoke a mirrors, mostly.  Frantic, cartoonish attempts to distract us from the gaping holes in the middle of our souls (or to sell us the latest product in order to fill them).  There's no life in those promises.

So I'm hoping that this Lenten season, I'll be a little more willing to die to that stuff.  I'm praying I'll become more aware of the empty space within, and that I'll resist the urge to fill it with any old thing I can find.  I'm going to wait, carved out, vulnerable, a cracked and crumbling jar of clay, on a life God's offered to deposit anywhere there's room.  I'm going to believe that if I'll just leave the empty spaces empty, he'll fill them.  That, I'm convinced, is a reasonable expectation."

So this is my prayer as well.  That I will refuse to fill the empty, still fragile places in my life with stuff that is simply stuff.  Stuff that holds no power.  And I am fully expecting my God to meet me there and fill those places with life.  And this is my prayer for those I love that are broken...

Can you guess?

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail. Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength. Then, I, his father, will dare to whisper, I have not lived in vain. -General MacArther

Baby Update

Hi all...

Just thought I would share.  I am 15 weeks today!

Had a super scare last weekend.  I have been cramping pretty bad for about a week.  My sweet doctor (who I adore and actually went to high school with) had told me to come in by the end of the week if it hadn't stopped.  Friday was pretty good so I didn't call.  I decided last minute Friday evening to head home to help Mom and Dad clean out their basement (I love to purge and organize and they actually let me boss them around!) after finding out B would have to work again most of the weekend.  I must confess, I was TIRED ya'll.  And I also selfishly needed some help with my tireless toddler.  On the way home, the cramping got pretty bad.  It stayed pretty bad most of the day Saturday.  I finally had a concern breakdown (I will still say God spared me of the intense worry I had felt in the past- there has been so much freedom I cannot tell you).  My Dad said we could run up to the hospital and let them do an ultrasound.  I was super anxious.  I really felt like something was wrong at this point.  Once she started the ultrasound, I saw the baby's heartbeat and felt a joy and relief that was intense.  She did a complete job of it, measuring everything and checking it all.  There was a 4 chamber heart, all the right bones, a perfect spine, etc... I just felt such joy.  The stomach is measuring about 4-5 days larger than the rest but she said that was normal, that he/she was eating well (as does his/her Momma) :).  Fun thing is, he/she has been measuring big all along and it put my due date to August 3rd, our 7th anniversary!  SO typical for us....as Bobby and I share the same birthday and our parent's share the same anniversary.  I told Bobby and he just deadpanned and said, "I figured."  

And finally, she saw something....pretty certain of the sex.  We have another appointment on the 25th and should know for sure.  

Oh yes, I so went there.  

New happenings...

Not much to update, I was just sitting here thinking of a creative or insightful post but not much has come forth.  So just a few fun things...

I am officially out of my first trimester and off of the progestrone!  Wahoo!  I am actually starting to show a little and sadly, was unable to sit comfortably in my favorite jeans this morning.  So I happily put on a pair of comfy, full panel jeans without apologies and went on my merry way!  I am comforting myself by telling myself it is the second child syndrome (which didn't pass over well when I saw 2 sweet friends at church way ahead of me and with other children but with still perfectly flat tummies, oh well...).   And, I felt the baby flutter today.  This is the feeling I so grieved after each miscarriage.  I know many women do not like the sensation but I ADORE feeling my child move within me.  It is so comforting and beautiful to me.  We should get to find out the sex in a few weeks which will make for a super fun birthday present.  

And, I am facilitating another women's Bible study through our church and I am just beside myself with giddiness over the women He has placed in this study.  I came home unable to stop blabbing to Bobby about how excited I was.  We are doing a book called Youniquely Woman, calling to light issues of keeping your home, motherhood and marriage.  Such timely subjects for me.  And I am confident I will learn so much from the women in the study.  Such a sweet reminder of God's love for me!

Finally, I have some super fun surprises up my sleeve for my precious husband's 30th birthday so stay tuned for updates!

BEEE-U-TIFUL Day...

I seriously think I go into seasonal depression.  I hate winter and cold weather.  I just HATE being cold.  I have felt colder this winter than ever.  I feel like even my bones are cold.  Perhaps it is because I am trying to avoid my electric blanket, long, hot baths and my car seat heater due to pregnancy (all of which are luxuries that seems to make winter less painful for me).  We have been trapped inside due to this weeny Momma hating to go out in the cold, even bundled up. Today is such a sweet blessing in the midst of freezing cold temperatures.  It is a beautiful 68 degrees here and Abby Kate and I have spent much time outside already!  My windows are open and I am savoring the outside air coursing through my house!

So I was thinking today, what are ways you make winter less painful?  Here are a few things that have made my life a little easier (and sweeter :)) and I would L-O-V-E to hear yours!

*The Cocoa-Latte (a machine that mixes your hot chocolate for you and then keeps it at the perfect temperature for hours by remixing and heating to perfection!)

*I mentioned this back in a previous favorite things post but I love the Simply Shabby Chic Cozy blanket, pair it with the Makeover Mattress Pad I bought from JcPenneys with some of my Christmas money (it has about a 2-3 in. down alternative pad on top!) and a yummy pair of flannel sheets!

*Chips (my favorite snack!)

*Movies

* Magazines (my favs are Country Home, Country Living, Cottage Living, Southern Living, People and US Weekly)

*Books

And as for activities with Abby Kate, which these are what I would REALLY love to hear from you!

*Play-Do

*Playing with bubbles in the bathroom sink (for HOURS!)

*Cooking

*Playing tea party (for HOURS!)

*Reading

*Playing in playroom/bedroom

*Dressing up

Thanks friends!  Hope it is beautiful where you are today!

A Clean Heart...

Hello for the first time in the New Year.  What a fun year it has already been.  I posted a million pictures of our Disney World trip on Abby Kate's blog so if you want to see/hear about it, mosey on over there.

I have contemplated this new year more than I have ever in the past.  I always have scoffed somewhat at resolutions.  They always seem trite and silly to me...knowing I rarely have the self-control to stick with them.  But there is something about this new year...starting fresh.  Ripe with hope and unbridled joy.  Unexpected blessings and pain awaiting us I am sure, but I cannot wait to live it.  

I have been studying the Psalms in the new year.  One thing I am praying for this year is a heart of worship.  A heart that is pure, full of fear and awe of my God, a heart that is clean.  I love the Psalms and what I am learning about Him through the praises of these famous poets.  The words have been hitting me with such intensity.  I find myself digging in my dictionary to get a better grasp on the words already written.  Just like today.  I was studying Psalm 3.  Verse 3 said, "You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head."  I started to think through what word pictures all three of these images painted for me of my God.  As a shield, He has always gone before me, extinguishing the arrows of the enemy and letting those arrows through that He intends for my good.  My Glory.  This is where I sought the dictionary.  Splendor, majesty, magnificence.  What a beautiful reminder that all that is good within me is because of Him alone.  This is also where I want to resonate this year.  Basking, meditating upon, studying... His splendor, His majesty, His magnificence.  I want His Words to become like water and food.  That I feast upon it all day long, and long for it before all else.  And the beautiful image, the lifter of my head.  That tender action in moments of defeat, brokenness, despair.  He alone lifts the broken and brings beauty from ashes.  I am living it.  I love the Jeremy Camp song I have playing on the playlist right now.  The words are so indicative of my heart.  So listen if you have time.  Or read the words below.  Sweet, sweet Words.  Even sweeter God.  

All this time I've wandered around searching for the things I'll never know 
I've been searching for this answer that only will be found in your love 
And I feel it 
My heart is being mended by your touch 
And I hear it 
Your voice that's shown my purpose in this world 

You have restored me from my feeble and broken soul 
You have restored me 

I've only come to realize my strength will be made perfect at your throne 
Laying all reflections down to see the precious beauty that you've shown 
And I feel it 
My heart is being mended by your touch 
And I hear it 
Your voice thats shown my purpose in this world. 

Laying all these questions down you've answered what I need 
Youve given more than I deserve your making me complete 
You give me all these open doors I'm humbled at your feet 
To show me what youve done for me


All this time I've wandered around searching for the things I'll never know.

Blessings Continued...

For another update, we got to see the precious little one again today!  He/she seemed SO much bigger this time and we got to see his/her legs and arms moving and the heart beating loudly!  It was the most beautiful sight and sound.  We both left blown away by the miracle of life and celebrated our precious Creator!  

We had a wonderful Christmas.  Abby Kate was just mesmerized.  She loved every inch of it.  From singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs, to exclaiming every time she saw Christmas lights, to hearing the Christmas story over and over and talking about Jesus, to trying to figure out which present was hers.  Bobby and I commented several times this season at how magical it seemed to us again.  We both felt like we did when we were children.   

We had a ball with our families.  Abby Kate was spoiled as always and she came home with many fun new things.  It has so helped to have some things to keep her entertained as I have been super sick and sleepy!  It will get better in a couple of weeks!   My favorite thing she got was a Star Station that came with 2 microphones and a camera that projects you onto the TV.  It has been so fun to watch her entertain (and it should be noted that my favorite toy until I was 12 (or 20) was my Karoke machine to which I rocked out daily).  

Onto other fun news, Bobby headed to Orlando today for one of his best friend's weddings.  We are joining him Saturday and are going to make a week of it.  We are taking AK to magical Disney World which has us all giddy!  Sweecie and Poppy are joining us and have made her appointments to have breakfast at Chef Mickey's where she will meet the characters and to have a makeover at Cinderella's castle at the Bippidy Boppidity Boutique.  If she doesn't faint from excitement, this could make for some new favorite memories!  She has been carrying her backpack around with her new kid-tough digital camera reminding me daily she is going to take pictures of Mickey and Minnie.  It truly is one of my favorite places on earth so I cannot wait!

Our God is so good.  I just have been meditating on His sweet power, faithfulness and love lately.  I just cannot wrap my mind around it.  I am just so in love with Him.  I am joining with Beth Moore (www.livingproof.org) to memorize scripture this year.  As she so sweetly stated on her blog, I am praying for a Jesus year.  I am super excited to get back to a place where my mind is saturated in the Word.  God also provided a sweet accountability partner which was gravely needed.  I have become very lax in my time in the Word and this was just another sweet answer to prayer.  I just pray 2009 will be a year that God shows Himself strong in my life.  That my life will be an offering and one in which I see victories over strongholds, depth and insight into my Savior's Words and a transformed life.  

Come, Thou fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

While the hope of endless glory

Fills my heart with joy and love,

Teach me ever to adore Thee;


May I still Thy goodness prove.

Happy 2009....

UPDATE!

5-6 week heartbeat (taken this past Thursday)

5-6 week yolk sac (also taken Thursday)

4-5 week gestational sac (taken at our first appointment.  Cannot believe how much the sac has grown in one week!)

Oh this precious one.  I cannot tell you what he/she (Abby Kate insists it is a boy baby) is doing to my heart.  To see the heart pumping at the last ultrasound did more for me than I can put in words.  I know we are not promised an easy life.  Nor, though statistics show miscarriages drastically decrease after seeing the heartbeat, am I promised a healthy pregnancy.  However, I just felt a sweet assurance.  A peace and unbridled joy that encompassed me.

  

One of the things that has been nagging me greatly was the lack of closure.  After such a dark season, I expected to have the lessons God wanted me to learn tied neatly with a bow that I could insert cleanly into my testimony and then move steadily along.   I finally was able to pray through what was bothering me most and after getting it into the open, I have examined it from many angles, through prayer, time in the Word, and sweet conversation with my husband.   I realized that I still have questions about prayer.  I know there are so many schools of thought...so many different teachings regarding prayer.  My biggest question has been "does prayer really hold power?"  I have always believed it does.  I believe that the prayers of a righteous man availeth much, because that is what God tells me.  However, what happens when your prayer and God's will does not match?  Who wins?  Um, I think we know the answer.  However, so many teach that if you have large faith, believing God is going to answer it, that your heart's desires will be realized.  However, I struggle with this line of reasoning for the simple lesson God has taught me over and over....it is not about me.  And if there is something I can do to get God to do my will, then wouldn't my life be mine again rather than His?  So many speak of God giving us the desires of our heart, but forget the command following that promise, which is delight yourself in Him.  And when we delight ourselves in Him, our desires become His desires.  

 

And on to the heart of the matter....do I really trust God?  Really.  Do I trust Him?  And though with my lips and head, I can give you every single right answer, I felt myself moving into a season of ease again and realizing how much I do not want taken away...and I realized I still was thinking, "I do not trust You to take it away."  As I was communicating this to Bobby, his eyes pooled with tears and he gave his heart's contents on the subject, pouring out his unbridled trust of this God I adored but wasn't so sure I trusted.  I told Bobby I felt a bit like a relationship in which one had hurt you and you moved away out of protection, creating a wall in some form or another, either hindering intimacy in the said relationship or not allowing other relationships to form out of fear.   And then Bobby said something profound.  He reminded me that Abby Kate does not move away from us when we do not give her everything she wants.  We see the big picture.  We know the whys of why she cannot eat cupcakes every meal or wear her bathing suit in the snow or go for a walk by herself.  And then he reminded me to apply that knowledge and love infinity fold and that is the way God loves us.  He knows all.  He sees all.  He sees the big picture.  He loves me more than I could ever grasp.  If He is not trustworthy, than not one is.  And as Bobby has always said to me, "if we knew what God knew, we would do the exact same thing."  And so simply, trusting God is not trusting He will not allow pain.  It is trusting in spite of the pain, He knows.  He is not a cruel God seeking to hurt me.  He supplies what I need in the midst of the hurt and as I have always said, will never waste my pain.  So now for the application.  Is my heart going to follow what my head and tongue already knows?  Am I going to fear what could happen to this precious life growing inside me or am I going to trust?  God, I choose trust. 

Finally!

These crazy things are actually bats, not moss.  GROSS!!!!

These were the guys right in front of our villa!

Well, after a fast paced, frantically hectic week, I am finally updating!  Just so you know, I HAVE been trying to post this for 3 days.  I think blogger is freaking out due to the large mass of pictures I am trying to upload to this post.  I have SO many pictures,  you are likely to get bored.  We had a WONDERFUL time in Costa Rica.  Truly.  It was the single most restful vacation I have been on since becoming a mother.  We literally had little to do every day but decide, "should I read my book in the hammock by the pool or take a nap?"  So indulgent.  The boys went on many adventures which kept them happy and we girls got to spend hours in the sun reading our books, which kept us happy.

We got there late Friday night and spent all day Saturday playing by the pool.  On Sunday, the boys went white water rafting and rode a zip line through the jungle.  They had a BALL!  Hal, Bobby and Ashley went to the beach on Monday where the boys took surfing lessons. Tuesday, we had a spa come to the villa and we all got pampered.  It was incredible!  I got a body scrub, a massage and a facial.  Wednesday, we went on a boat safari and got to see tons of crocodiles, monkeys, iguanas, and birds.  It was so neat to see them all in there natural environment.  We literally took HUNDREDS of pictures.  My Aunt joked with me that we got 3 times the pictures of crocodiles than Abby Kate (she was right).  Thursday was the perfect non-traditional Thanksgiving.   The boys went deep sea fishing and we stayed at the villa and got to see monkeys super close to the villa.  We watched them for an hour play in the trees.  Abby Kate was mesmerized!  She could sound JUST like them and they would call back to her, which delighted her to no end.  We had a delicious Thanksgiving dinner of lobster.  YUMMY!  I cannot say enough great things about the country and the place we stayed!  If you ever are looking for a super special vacation, let me know.  They provided a cook, maid/laundress and a guy to see to your needs.  He made me fresh smoothies all day!  It was SUCH a sweet place and the staff became like family by the end of the week.  Abby Kate would exclaim, "Hola, Maria!" every morning.  So fun!   

But my favorite story of all....(I sent this to many of you reading in an email)

I cannot tell you of the depth of sweetness of this story.  God has showed Himself strong, reminding us that nothing can TOUCH the King of Kings when He releases His blessings.  It all started with us starting and completing the Daniel Fast.  I wrote more about this on my blog so you can read more about it there but it truly was an intense 2 weeks of prayer and healing.  Bobby said to me over and over that he felt it was the beginning of several miracles in our lives.  Our marriage saw sweet healing, both of us saw an increase of self-control and a deepened desire for Christ alone.  We then headed to Costa Rica.  On Tuesday, we all got massages and I told them it was possible I was pregnant (because we have been trying for 6 months) so to take that into account when they did my massage.
  The sweet Costa Rican lady that was doing my body scrub slowly started rubbing the scrub into my tummy and then started speaking quickly in spanish.  There was one lady who spoke english who walked over and confidently said, "She says you're pregnant.  Congratulations!"  They even went as far as to say I could not have a certain kind of facial because, "You are pregnant."  Needless to say, I could not wipe the smile of hope from my face the entire time.  I was not due to start until Thursday so I waited until Thanksgiving morning to take the test.  The line began to show up and I started to sob.  I just sat on the cold tile pouring out my heart to the One who lavishes such sweet blessings upon the undeserving.  
We then returned home Friday night and got to tell Bobby's family.  On Saturday morning, my sweet mother-in-love asked me to come back to the bedroom.  She pulled out a package and it was a wooden sign that said "For this child, I have prayed."  She had bought it last week after feeling in her spirit, this was the month!
What incredible shouts of affirmation to these weary hearts.  I will confess the hardest thing has been admitting to God I was too tired to guard my heart.  I completely entrusted Him with it where I know He will keep it safe...no matter what.  I truly can say as dark and has hard as this last year and half has been, I would walk it all again to know Him as I do now.  He has been such a peace supplier, joy giver, pain healer, Redeemer, Friend, Protector, giver of good gifts, abundantly faithful, patient and full of His famous love.  I am so thankful that He has allowed me to experience His love for myself.  

We had an appointment scheduled to see a fertility specialist last Thursday (another fun sign that He is the final authority, creator and healer) but went to my OB instead and we got to see the sweet one, in my uterus!  HUGE blessing due to past ectopic.  We have another appointment next Thursday and we will hopefully see a yolk sac and heartbeat (the last pregnancy we had a gestational sac but not a yolk sac so PLEASE pray for this!) as I will be 6 weeks.
All of this to say, we covet your prayers.  For this precious life to be sustained and born healthy with a tender heart for his/her Savior from birth.  For our hearts, that God would seal them and keep them soft and pliable.  That we would continue to experience His sweet presence and incredible power.  Thank you JESUS!  A precious gift at the most exciting time of the year!