Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Blessings Continued...

For another update, we got to see the precious little one again today!  He/she seemed SO much bigger this time and we got to see his/her legs and arms moving and the heart beating loudly!  It was the most beautiful sight and sound.  We both left blown away by the miracle of life and celebrated our precious Creator!  
We had a wonderful Christmas.  Abby Kate was just mesmerized.  She loved every inch of it.  From singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs, to exclaiming every time she saw Christmas lights, to hearing the Christmas story over and over and talking about Jesus, to trying to figure out which present was hers.  Bobby and I commented several times this season at how magical it seemed to us again.  We both felt like we did when we were children.   
We had a ball with our families.  Abby Kate was spoiled as always and she came home with many fun new things.  It has so helped to have some things to keep her entertained as I have been super sick and sleepy!  It will get better in a couple of weeks!   My favorite thing she got was a Star Station that came with 2 microphones and a camera that projects you onto the TV.  It has been so fun to watch her entertain (and it should be noted that my favorite toy until I was 12 (or 20) was my Karoke machine to which I rocked out daily).  
Onto other fun news, Bobby headed to Orlando today for one of his best friend's weddings.  We are joining him Saturday and are going to make a week of it.  We are taking AK to magical Disney World which has us all giddy!  Sweecie and Poppy are joining us and have made her appointments to have breakfast at Chef Mickey's where she will meet the characters and to have a makeover at Cinderella's castle at the Bippidy Boppidity Boutique.  If she doesn't faint from excitement, this could make for some new favorite memories!  She has been carrying her backpack around with her new kid-tough digital camera reminding me daily she is going to take pictures of Mickey and Minnie.  It truly is one of my favorite places on earth so I cannot wait!
Our God is so good.  I just have been meditating on His sweet power, faithfulness and love lately.  I just cannot wrap my mind around it.  I am just so in love with Him.  I am joining with Beth Moore (www.livingproof.org) to memorize scripture this year.  As she so sweetly stated on her blog, I am praying for a Jesus year.  I am super excited to get back to a place where my mind is saturated in the Word.  God also provided a sweet accountability partner which was gravely needed.  I have become very lax in my time in the Word and this was just another sweet answer to prayer.  I just pray 2009 will be a year that God shows Himself strong in my life.  That my life will be an offering and one in which I see victories over strongholds, depth and insight into my Savior's Words and a transformed life.  

Come, Thou fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

While the hope of endless glory

Fills my heart with joy and love,

Teach me ever to adore Thee;

May I still Thy goodness prove.

Happy 2009....

Thursday, December 11, 2008


5-6 week heartbeat (taken this past Thursday)
5-6 week yolk sac (also taken Thursday)

4-5 week gestational sac (taken at our first appointment.  Cannot believe how much the sac has grown in one week!)

Oh this precious one.  I cannot tell you what he/she (Abby Kate insists it is a boy baby) is doing to my heart.  To see the heart pumping at the last ultrasound did more for me than I can put in words.  I know we are not promised an easy life.  Nor, though statistics show miscarriages drastically decrease after seeing the heartbeat, am I promised a healthy pregnancy.  However, I just felt a sweet assurance.  A peace and unbridled joy that encompassed me.
One of the things that has been nagging me greatly was the lack of closure.  After such a dark season, I expected to have the lessons God wanted me to learn tied neatly with a bow that I could insert cleanly into my testimony and then move steadily along.   I finally was able to pray through what was bothering me most and after getting it into the open, I have examined it from many angles, through prayer, time in the Word, and sweet conversation with my husband.   I realized that I still have questions about prayer.  I know there are so many schools of thought...so many different teachings regarding prayer.  My biggest question has been "does prayer really hold power?"  I have always believed it does.  I believe that the prayers of a righteous man availeth much, because that is what God tells me.  However, what happens when your prayer and God's will does not match?  Who wins?  Um, I think we know the answer.  However, so many teach that if you have large faith, believing God is going to answer it, that your heart's desires will be realized.  However, I struggle with this line of reasoning for the simple lesson God has taught me over and over....it is not about me.  And if there is something I can do to get God to do my will, then wouldn't my life be mine again rather than His?  So many speak of God giving us the desires of our heart, but forget the command following that promise, which is delight yourself in Him.  And when we delight ourselves in Him, our desires become His desires.  
And on to the heart of the matter....do I really trust God?  Really.  Do I trust Him?  And though with my lips and head, I can give you every single right answer, I felt myself moving into a season of ease again and realizing how much I do not want taken away...and I realized I still was thinking, "I do not trust You to take it away."  As I was communicating this to Bobby, his eyes pooled with tears and he gave his heart's contents on the subject, pouring out his unbridled trust of this God I adored but wasn't so sure I trusted.  I told Bobby I felt a bit like a relationship in which one had hurt you and you moved away out of protection, creating a wall in some form or another, either hindering intimacy in the said relationship or not allowing other relationships to form out of fear.   And then Bobby said something profound.  He reminded me that Abby Kate does not move away from us when we do not give her everything she wants.  We see the big picture.  We know the whys of why she cannot eat cupcakes every meal or wear her bathing suit in the snow or go for a walk by herself.  And then he reminded me to apply that knowledge and love infinity fold and that is the way God loves us.  He knows all.  He sees all.  He sees the big picture.  He loves me more than I could ever grasp.  If He is not trustworthy, than not one is.  And as Bobby has always said to me, "if we knew what God knew, we would do the exact same thing."  And so simply, trusting God is not trusting He will not allow pain.  It is trusting in spite of the pain, He knows.  He is not a cruel God seeking to hurt me.  He supplies what I need in the midst of the hurt and as I have always said, will never waste my pain.  So now for the application.  Is my heart going to follow what my head and tongue already knows?  Am I going to fear what could happen to this precious life growing inside me or am I going to trust?  God, I choose trust. 

Sunday, December 07, 2008


These crazy things are actually bats, not moss.  GROSS!!!!
These were the guys right in front of our villa!

Well, after a fast paced, frantically hectic week, I am finally updating!  Just so you know, I HAVE been trying to post this for 3 days.  I think blogger is freaking out due to the large mass of pictures I am trying to upload to this post.  I have SO many pictures,  you are likely to get bored.  We had a WONDERFUL time in Costa Rica.  Truly.  It was the single most restful vacation I have been on since becoming a mother.  We literally had little to do every day but decide, "should I read my book in the hammock by the pool or take a nap?"  So indulgent.  The boys went on many adventures which kept them happy and we girls got to spend hours in the sun reading our books, which kept us happy.
We got there late Friday night and spent all day Saturday playing by the pool.  On Sunday, the boys went white water rafting and rode a zip line through the jungle.  They had a BALL!  Hal, Bobby and Ashley went to the beach on Monday where the boys took surfing lessons. Tuesday, we had a spa come to the villa and we all got pampered.  It was incredible!  I got a body scrub, a massage and a facial.  Wednesday, we went on a boat safari and got to see tons of crocodiles, monkeys, iguanas, and birds.  It was so neat to see them all in there natural environment.  We literally took HUNDREDS of pictures.  My Aunt joked with me that we got 3 times the pictures of crocodiles than Abby Kate (she was right).  Thursday was the perfect non-traditional Thanksgiving.   The boys went deep sea fishing and we stayed at the villa and got to see monkeys super close to the villa.  We watched them for an hour play in the trees.  Abby Kate was mesmerized!  She could sound JUST like them and they would call back to her, which delighted her to no end.  We had a delicious Thanksgiving dinner of lobster.  YUMMY!  I cannot say enough great things about the country and the place we stayed!  If you ever are looking for a super special vacation, let me know.  They provided a cook, maid/laundress and a guy to see to your needs.  He made me fresh smoothies all day!  It was SUCH a sweet place and the staff became like family by the end of the week.  Abby Kate would exclaim, "Hola, Maria!" every morning.  So fun!   
But my favorite story of all....(I sent this to many of you reading in an email)
I cannot tell you of the depth of sweetness of this story.  God has showed Himself strong, reminding us that nothing can TOUCH the King of Kings when He releases His blessings.  It all started with us starting and completing the Daniel Fast.  I wrote more about this on my blog so you can read more about it there but it truly was an intense 2 weeks of prayer and healing.  Bobby said to me over and over that he felt it was the beginning of several miracles in our lives.  Our marriage saw sweet healing, both of us saw an increase of self-control and a deepened desire for Christ alone.  We then headed to Costa Rica.  On Tuesday, we all got massages and I told them it was possible I was pregnant (because we have been trying for 6 months) so to take that into account when they did my massage.
  The sweet Costa Rican lady that was doing my body scrub slowly started rubbing the scrub into my tummy and then started speaking quickly in spanish.  There was one lady who spoke english who walked over and confidently said, "She says you're pregnant.  Congratulations!"  They even went as far as to say I could not have a certain kind of facial because, "You are pregnant."  Needless to say, I could not wipe the smile of hope from my face the entire time.  I was not due to start until Thursday so I waited until Thanksgiving morning to take the test.  The line began to show up and I started to sob.  I just sat on the cold tile pouring out my heart to the One who lavishes such sweet blessings upon the undeserving.  
We then returned home Friday night and got to tell Bobby's family.  On 
Saturday morning, my sweet mother-in-love asked me to come back to the bedroom.  She pulled out a package and it was a wooden sign that said "For this child, I have prayed."  She had bought it last week after feeling in her spirit, this was the month!
What incredible shouts of affirmation to these weary hearts.  I will confess the hardest thing has been admitting to God I was too tired to guard my heart.  I completely entrusted Him with it where I know He will keep it safe...no matter what.  I truly can say as dark and has hard as this last year and half has been, I would walk it all again to know Him as I do now.  He has been such a peace supplier, joy giver, pain healer, Redeemer, Friend, Protector, giver of good gifts, abundantly faithful, patient and full of His famous love.  I am so thankful that He has allowed me to experience His love for myself.  

We had an appointment scheduled to see a fertility specialist last Thursday (another fun sign that He is the final authority, creator and healer) but went to my OB instead and we got to see the sweet one, in my uterus!  HUGE blessing due to past ectopic.  We have another appointment next Thursday and we will hopefully see a yolk sac and heartbeat (the last pregnancy we had a gestational sac but not a yolk sac so PLEASE pray for this!) as I will be 6 weeks.
All of this to say, we covet your prayers.  For this precious life to be sustained and born healthy with a tender heart for his/her Savior from birth.  For our hearts, that God would seal them and keep them soft and pliable.  That we would continue to experience His sweet presence and incredible power.  Thank you JESUS!  A precious gift at the most exciting time of the year!